so yea its been a really long time since ive updated this and i mean a REALLY long time. this year started out on a bad note and so far its just been getting worse like im being tested to see how strong i am or how much i can take before i just give in. it just seems like every month something new happens to me and its all overwhelming but im still here. im still standing so regardless of whats being thrown at me i wont give up.
i had to rush back home for my great grandmothers funeral. i was really close to her and she helped raised me so this is hitting me hard. my great grandmother helped replaced the pain of having an absent father or seeing my father take care of his other kids right in front of me. my great grandmother was the strongest person i know and her strength helps me keep pushing forward. she was my rock and the fact that shes gone now nothing can fill the void i feel. when i came back home for christmas in 2005 i didnt want that to be the last time i saw her. i didnt want the next time id have to come home to be for her funeral and it turned out that way. i know everything happens for a reason and god has a plan for everyone so im not bitter about her death. im sort of relieved cause now she wont be in pain anymore, no one is running to her to ask for money or food, no one is taking advantage of her anymore, and now shes resting and in peace.
the funeral was saturday and i basically did everything. i did the eulogy, i read the first reading, i read a poem at the cemetary and i was the last person to see her before they closed the casket. i did get really emotional but i really havent realized it yet. i know theres more emotions to come out of it.
the only thing im bitter about is she wont be there at my wedding. i wanted her to be part of my ceremony and she wont.
i played this song before i did the eulogy.
HOMESICK -MERCYME
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbye And in Christ, there is no end So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have To see you again To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
so yea...i will be leaving back home to washington on may 10th. my niece wants me to come back on the 3rd but i want to make some of the trip worth it. i really want to get my real tan back from going to the beach. oh yea and fish never tasted so good lol. i ate lobster tonight and now im itchy all over but it was worth it since i have ate lobster in a long time.
ugh im gaining weight and i dont like it. i need to stop eating ugh people keep feeding me.
yes im still single...no i didnt run back to jr for those of you who are asking. jr is in georgia right now and then hes leaving to iraq for a year or so. its something like 16-18 months. so im single and no one has caught my attention yet so yea.
oh yea btw whoever asked no i wont post pics of the funeral sorry but its just something to personal to me and i wont share it with people i hardly know.